How the Queen Played Damsel

Oh, my dearest friend Guinevere, I am as far as ashamed of you. This whole thing could have been avoided if you had tricked yourself away from Mélégant, but I presume you are not so wise and clever to do so. I can understand if a man, bigger and stronger than you, manages to take you as his hostage, but what pride do you sacrifice and what weakness doth replace it when you put up absolutely no fight as he drags you back to his land as his prisoner? At the very least, you could have cussed him out or spit on him. Maybe you did, but you undoubtedly relied on a manly Lancelot to rescue your ass in the end. You even let him fight Mélégant when Mélégant accused you of sleeping with Kay. Guinevere, what the heck? You let someone risk his life for you over an accusation of adultery based solely on bloody sheets (in a woman's bed), really? That makes the second time you couldn't physically defend yourself and, instead of using your head, you did nothing except sit back and watch a man sweat. Okay, I can't blame you for wanting to watch Lancelot sweat, but there you go again letting a man do all your dirty work for you. Don't tell me women of our time were taught otherwise, because I most certainly was not, and I thought you knew better than that. I mean, you're a queen, aren't you? Or would you really rather be just another damsel in distress? 

             My disappointment stops there, but my confusion does not. When Lancelot first came to Gorre for you, you claimed your coldness was due to his hesitation to ride in the dwarf's shameful cart. Regardless of how you knew of his hesitation, why would that force you to be cold? Perchance you figured he ought to learn that nothing is more shameful than thinking twice about his love, or perchance you just needed a defendable excuse for your mood that day. Either way, when the time finally came for him to fight Mélégant, you asked him to lose to prove his love, and once he was losing, you changed your mind and asked him to win. Was he just not sweating enough for you, or did you really wish for love to be proven between the two of you? If the latter is true, prithee tell me, Guinevere, how long have you not loved your noble Arthur? What do you plan on doing in the little love triangle you've contributed to creating, especially when you have shown a lack of shrewdness? You're in an awfully terrible situation.

Let me know if Arthur suddenly becomes single.

With all due respect,

          Lady of the Lake

Lacy, Norris J., and James J. Wilhelm. The Romance of Arthur: An Anthology of Medieval Texts in Translation. London: Routledge, 2013. Print.