Sir Gawain reflects on his contract with the Greene Knight

I'm going to die tomorrow.

The execution block at Tower Green in London

That gnarling, twisting, contorting feeling of sheer anxiety and terror for what lays beyond. A feeling that starts as a mere pit in the center of your stomach, then grows with devouring tentacles up around your digestive track until every nerve and orifice with alarms of unrelenting pain. Not a fear of disgrace or embarrassment, or any possibility of blood being shed. Rather a certain, undeniable fact that your life will end before lunch. Enter the Green Chapel, lay your head on the block as a scapegoat, and finally, at the moment every fiber of your being desires most to be anywhere else in the universe: one, two, one, two, through and through, until snicker-snack!

This feeling does not bother me. Why, you ask? I say, why should it? If death was ever a discouragement from a knight performing his duty, Arthur would be alone at this court. My knightly oath of honor, which I have held for longer than I can remember, is infinitely more valuable than my own, feeble life. It was for the honor of his Holiness Sulpicious that I gave my life to defend Jerusalem, and it was for the honor of Arthur that I gave my life for Britain against the Saxons and the Romans. The honor of these two cities, Jerusalem and Camelot, no price could ever come close to appraising, not even for all the treasures of the world. Whereas my weak and helpless body, with an even more simple mind, is nothing to be missed. As the morning sun rains down its life-giving beams on the livestock for tomorrow's supper, my soul will be penetrating the clouds towards the gates of Heaven. What wonderful delight, and what an amazing joy it is to lay down my life once more for the honor of Arthur.

And yet in spite of all that, something still continues to bother me. Is there some vestige of deep-stetted fear or anxiety yet unconquered? No, of course not. Then what? What pieces don't completely fit together? There we were on Christmas Day, when in the middle of our festivities arrives this strange, strange knight. Is it his unnatural complexion that bothers me? No, for surely I've encounter stranger things before. So what is it? When I foolishly accepted his challenge (curse my impulsiveness), I took up my end of the bargain, and smote off his head with that green axe. I assumed that, without a head, he cannot possibly wield the axe against me. Yet here I am.

So wait. Why didn't it work?

Somehow, the knight simply took up his head and road off, presumably reattached by now. What demonic sorcery could possibly have saved him?

And then there is the lady's sash. A sash that is.... green. What did she say about it? "Whatever knight is girded with this green lace, no man under heaven can overcome him". Could this be a mere token of her esteem, trying to woo me with her malevolent charms, or could this possibly be an attempt by her to save my worthless life? Was not the Green Knight also girded by a sash of green? Surely, if the enchantment of this girdle had prevented the Knight's life from leaving this plane, then it could also protect mine.

And yet, if this is the secret of the knight's power, should I take it? Indeed, my life would be spared, but far more important is whether it would damage my honor. No, surely if the knight used this magic to withstand my blow, then, by the equality he imposed, I can withstand his.

But to accept this gift from the lady of the castle is a far more devastating affront. This sash, if indeed a sign of her infatuation, should not be seen on my personage. But there the dilemma arises, for without the sash my life is done for. I will sleep on this question, and pray that The Lord's wisdom will guide me on the morrow.