Yesterday was a normal day for me, harassing my servants in my fort, throwing spears at the sheep of my brother, and killing off random knights who try and wife my daughter. As I was going about my business I peered out onto the Thames river and after having my eyelids held up I noticed a boat gently sailing down towards Arthur's kingdom. I also noticed this boat had a dead maiden on it, a weird thing to ship to another, but I asked a servant of mine and he informed me that this was the fair maiden of Astolat.
I had not heard of such a maiden but upon learning of her apparently she fell so deeply in love with this "Sir Lancelot" fellow that she was willing to die without his love. What a schmuck. First off, this girl lived in the woods in a cabin with her father, she probably is so sheltered she falls in love with any random knight who comes her way. I bet she hasn't even met a quarter of the men who live in her vicinity. For example, Ive lived not far from her for years and she has not come to my fort begging for my love even once. I mean sure, my eyelids cant be held up on their own, and yes I could smell a bit better, but we aren't all perfect.
She loves this guy? I mean I get it, he fights forty knights to the ground, is the best knight in the realm, and could win the heart of any woman around, but I mean c'mon, he still loves a woman married to his king?
Who does this sir Lancelot guy think he is?
Queen Guinevere is constantly angry at him for some stupid reason and wont even admit she loves him and here is this perfectly good looking, polite, courteous woman who wants only his love or she will die, and Lancelot denies her costing her her life. He says he will not marry because, "for the knight who puts his heart in bondage loses himself," but I bet if Guinevere left Arthur and asked for Lancelot's hand in marriage he would so yes so fast she would be creeped out. This guy needs to get his priorities straight.
Ysbaddaden the Giant
(still single)
Ysbaddaden,
ReplyDeleteLancelot has caused a little problem with my marriage, and pretty much caused the death of a women who like you said was deeply in love with him. He is a very powerful knight and is one of my best. But you are right he needs to get his priorities straight, and most importantly stay away from my wife.
King Arthur